To get a full understanding of his birth, I need to recap Gracelynn’s birth.
When I was pregnant with Gracelynn, I was determined to birth without an epidural. I took a Hypnobirthing class and practiced all the time. I would talk natural birth up to anyone who would listen. I felt so confident and prepared.
Her birth ended after 30 hours of struggle and pain. I felt traumatized and betrayed that my birth wasn’t what I knew it could be.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bennett, I was so torn about going through natural birth again. I did not want to suffer again, but I didn’t want to be numb to the process either. Honestly, I felt like getting an epidural would be cheating.
After a lot of prayer, introspection and talking to others, I decided I would plan to go natural again but be more in tune with myself and respect my limits. If this birth went on a long time, I wouldn’t let myself suffer, and I’d choose the epidural.
My due date was December 31 and I had been having contractions off and on for a couple weeks. But that day came and went with no baby.
On January 2, we were having a normal Saturday morning. I had been feeling pretty itchy for a couple days and that morning was the same. I ended up looking online to see why I would be itchy. And you know Dr. Google always tells you the worst possible scenario. In this case, it said one cause of itchiness is Cholestasis. That’s where your liver has issues with bile flow. One risk of Cholestasis in pregnancy is stillbirth.
I started to feel worried so I texted Marta, my husband’s aunt who is a labor and delivery nurse. I asked if I she thought I should be concerned or if I was overreacting. A few minutes later, she called me and said she had just talked to my midwife, Tina. (They work together and are friends.) Tina wanted me to come into the hospital to have blood work done and a Non-stress Test.
We dropped Gracelynn off at our awesome neighbors, called my parents to come down to be with her just in case, and headed off to the hospital.
They got us situated in a room and put me on the monitor to check on baby. He was moving around like normal which was a relief. They gave me a covid test (ouch!) and drew my blood to test for two different things.
A little while later, Tina came in and told me that it takes a couple days to get results from the blood work that gives a definitive answer to whether I had Cholestasis or not. But the other quick blood test did show that my liver enzyme levels were elevated. Because of that, she recommended I be induced to be safe.
Shock, fear, uncertainty. Those were my initial feelings about being induced. I had heard the pitocin makes contractions harder.
How could I go natural if my contractions were even worse than they would be normally?
We said a prayer and I felt like we should go ahead with the induction. Tina came in and told me since I was going natural they would start by just breaking my water and see if that kickstarted things.
She broke my water and I was 3 centimeters dilated. She let me know that they’d check me in two hours. If I hadn’t progressed then we’d start pitocin.
One of my favorite things during Gracelynn’s birth was being in the shower. The water felt awesome. I asked if I could be in the shower when labor started this time. They actually had a huge tub in the room next door, so they let me switch!
We got settled in the room and were left to wait for things to get going. We turned on the tv and hung out while I had very mild contractions. Two hours later, at 5:30, they checked me again and I was at a 4. That was progress so no pitocin needed!
In all my research of natural birth I learned that laughing releases oxytocin which helps speed up labor and lessen discomfort. So once contractions started feeling more uncomfortable, we turned the tv to Impractical Jokers. It was so much fun to laugh through my contractions with Kyler while he gave me counter pressure and danced with me.
7:30 they checked me and I was another centimeter dilated. My contractions were pretty intense by this point, so we turned off the television and I got in the tub.
The nurse told me if I started feeling pushy, I needed to get out because they couldn’t let me give birth in the tub. I thought that wasn’t even a possibility because I had been progressing so slow. Plus when I was at a 5 with Gracelynn, I still labored for 8 more hours.
Once I got in the tub things got overwhelming so fast. Kyler was still giving me counter pressure and being the best cheerleader. Marta was able to come support us too and came at the perfect time.
After about 20 minutes in the tub, my contractions were unbearable and overlapping. I had reached my limit and knew I wouldn’t be able to labor like that for hours more. I looked at Marta and Kyler and said, “I think I want the epidural.” They both agreed that was a good idea, and we told the nurse.
While we waited for the anesthesiologist, I broke down crying. Even though this is what I had decided beforehand, I felt like a failure. My two cheerleaders assured me I was amazing.
The anesthesiologist came in right as I was in a very strong and long contraction. She kept asking me questions and all I could do was nod as I had my eyes closed, riding through it. Unfortunately she wasn’t a very compassionate person and she quite firmly said, “Can you look at me?” Oh boy... as soon as she got the information she needed, she left to get the epidural.
A few minutes later, Tina and some nurses came to check on me. I barely registered them there because I was so deep into riding my contractions. I also started feeling like I had to go to the bathroom and was pushing in the tub. I had heard some women say when they were ready to push they felt like they needed to have a bowel movement. I didn’t think that was what was happening because I was just barely a 5 half an hour before.
They told me it was time to get out of the tub and I heard them tell each other that it seems like I was ready to push. The anesthesiologist had come back in and I heard her say, “Well it looks like you don’t need me.” I was still in denial that I was at a 10, so in my head I thought, “Where are you going?! Of course I need you!”
Tina checked me and said, “Juli, you’re complete! Let’s just have a baby!”
Without thinking about it, I laid on my side. Kyler was on my left holding my leg up and saying the sweetest encouragements. Marta was on my right stroking my head and pushing me to keep going and reminding me to be aware of my breathing.
There was a moment where Marta said, “This is your give it your all moment, Juli.” All I could think was, “This is too hard. Someone else do this for me!”
There’s no other word to describe birthing naturally than primal. My body knew exactly what it was doing. It gave me very clear sensations for when to push and when to stop. My mind took a backseat and my body was in complete control. I felt baby descend and he was out within 10 minutes.
“I did it!!” I just kept saying that over and over again. I was so proud of myself and riding on an oxytocin high that lasted for a couple of days!
His birth was so perfect. 5 hours from start to finish with 10 minutes of pushing. I firmly believe epidurals have a place in the birthing world for when a momma needs help. But I am so happy that I was able to experience a natural birth the way I knew it could be. Intense, primal, beautiful.
Our perfect Baby Bennett Boy
January 2, 2021
8:09 PM
7lb 12oz
20.5 inches
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